MICHAEL SHERMAN

As a child, I would go to bed at night wishing and praying that I would wake up as a boy. Each morning when I woke my wishes and prayers weren’t answered so I let go of that fantasy. At age 12, when my puberty kicked into full gear my body went from being that of an androgynous being into a more feminine form.

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When I went into high school, my struggles with my female body and my discomfort during any social situations led me to my struggle with depression and anxiety. After four years of struggling with depression and anxiety, I am out as a lesbian. Within a month of coming out, I began to date someone and spent the next few months coming out to friends and family, but each time I said lesbian I felt that that term didn’t belong to me which made me feel even more uncomfortable.

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In late 1999, the movie "Boys Don’t Cry" came out and for the first time something truly clicked with me. I wasn’t crazy in how I was feeling, that there was a term for it (even though I already knew the term as my best friend was a Trans-woman), but this was the first time where I saw someone who felt like I did, even though it was on the big screen. Although I had that realization, I still kept my true self hidden from the society and those closest to me.

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In 2005, after my marriage to a woman ended only a month after we were married, I realized that I needed a change of scenery and left the tri-cities (Cambridge, Kitchener and Waterloo Area) and moved to the Niagara Region – and this would be the start of a new adventure, one I will never forget.

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2009 I began dating a woman who would be responsible for helping me in ways that I couldn’t even imagine. One night we were hanging out with two of her friends, and the whole evening they were all calling me he (I didn’t even notice), and the other guy was constantly saying.."I paid a lot for this chest!", each time looking at me and of course I didn’t quite understand what he meant. The next night the woman I was dating asked me…"How do you identify? and have you ever thought about transitioning>" This caught me off guard as no one had ever comforted me on this before, so fearful of what could happen I quickly responded "female and no I hadn’t thought of transitioning! (this was a lie and I knew it deep inside). For the next two weeks, I watched nothing but YouTube videos of other guys in the states who had transitioned and were happy. They were saying how they felt and it was as if a weight suddenly was lifted from my chest. So when the woman I was dating re-connected with me online, I finally mustered up the courage and admitted I had lied – of course she knew it.

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When I finally came out yet again, I told my family out west, my younger sister, younger brother and all my friends via email. It took me two months to work up the courage to tell my mother through a 15 page letter which I discussed my feelings as a child towards my body, my struggles with depression and anxiety, and how this was not their fault.

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After coming out on January 27, 2009, my sister didn’t accept me right away, and my brother well we really didn’t talk much and began very distant from each other for almost six years. Despite some family members options of what I was about to embark on – my true self and the life I’ve wished for many years, I refused to slow down.